Dear creators of “Nobody Wants This”:
Mazels on the success of your hit Netflix series. I know many of the clever parts of the show are rooted in your personal stories – a podcast with a sister and converting for marriage. It must be a thrill! I am grateful that your team decided to cast Jewish actors to play some of the main Jewish characters — that’s a notable choice. I’m happy that the majority of Jewish people will find this rom-com relevant, as 70% of non-Orthodox Jews now marry outside the faith.
I wanted “Nobody Wants This.” I read many positive reviews before binging the series. I loved that viewers were excited over the personal life of a rabbi. I like that a synagogue rabbi consulted on the show — he is my friend’s uncle! I wear a Favorite Daughter sweatshirt. I have appreciated Erin Foster’s outspoken support for Israel and against rising antisemitism.
Let me backup and share a little about myself. I am a young rabbi serving a population of modern Jewish constituents. Coincidentally, Haaretz’s 2022 profile on me is titled “New York’s Hot Rabbi Unabashedly Likes Her Title.” I went to Jewish schools and camps my entire upbringing. I keep kosher dietary rules. I work as a Jewish educator and facilitator every single day. I have a very full schedule and limited social life.
Like Joanne, I was single for what felt like forever. I just got married this year. I met my husband, Ben, at a Shabbat dinner. Besides chemistry and timing, what drew us together was our shared background and charity work. For our fourth date we saw a production of “Fiddler On the Roof” in Yiddish. Months later, we got engaged in Jerusalem.
Prior to Ben, I had only ever dated Jewish guys — you name the type, I tried to make it work. I felt conflicted as a Jewish leader and publicly dating. One guy was technically Jewish but had his mezuzah, ritual door casing, on the wrong side of the entryway. I tried to let it go for months, grateful he had some Jewish identity. But when he confused Moses parting the Red Sea with the Dead Sea, I got the “ick,” and we were done.
I am Jewish in everything I do. That is how and why I am a rabbi. My decades of education, self expression, and mission in life are tied to my Jewishness and sharing my religion joyously.
So, I find your portrayal of Judaism problematic. Allow me to pile on to the objections and critiques of Jessica Radloff of Glamour and Allison Josephs of Jews in the City; the show is unfair to the Jewish people and in particular, Jewish women. Did you consider that you portrayed every Jewish woman as manipulative and overbearing? I feel as though you laid a trap for any Jewess to find fault with your series: if they do, they prove your stereotype.
In her Vulture review, Fran Hoepfner gets it right: “the show’s central problem [is] that no one in the show itself seems all that fond of being Jewish in the first place and how it dictates that people live their lives.” All of the show’s Jews have paper —thin religious observance. Even the rabbi doesn’t adhere to much of anything.
Your view on Jewish professionals is shallow. The temple’s senior rabbi is a corrupt buffoon. You miss a lot of details as Noah navigates the religious and secular worlds. How can you have the rabbi travel on the sabbath, ditch his camp retreat and responsibilities, and then bless candles and non-Kosher wine without a head covering?
As a rabbi, I can’t believe Noah only cares about interfaith dating just because of his impending promotion. It is unbelievable that Joannes’ possible conversion comes up only in the eighth episode. By then there’s no chance that she would make such a commitment to Noah’s religion. Your version of Judaism is unwelcoming, cerebral and yet totally arbitrary.
Do you realize in the final product you’ve whittled down Judaism to being about same — faith dating and abstaining from pork? Nothing else seems sacred to the Jewish characters — certainly not kindness, outreach and deep practice. Even the 12 year-old campers are judgy-hypocrites and liars. Other than playing mediocre basketball, the Jewish men blackmail each other and are disloyal to their wives. And why wouldn’t they be? You sketch a caricature of controlling and frigid Jewish wives. Noah’s mother is unprincipled given that she’s caught red-handed eating pork from the trash. Judaism gets a few pithy shout-outs for being against gossip and celebrating rest; that alone doesn’t do the Jewish religion justice.
I am disappointed in your show. More than that, I’m disappointed in the way you wasted an opportunity to do something great for the community that has embraced the show’s creator and helped build her family. I uphold the awesomeness of Judaism. I’m not sure if you see any real beauty or attraction in our religion; I’m not saying you hate it, but “Nobody Wants This” doesn’t reflect that you like it. What you wrote makes it seem like the only redeemable aspect of Judaism is the Hot Rabbi. I’m holding back when I say your series is more hurtful than it is helpful to Jews.
The Jewish High Holidays start this week. It is a time dedicated to reflecting on our actions and their effect on others. It doesn’t matter if the harm was intentional or unintentional. We must strive to be better and repair what we’ve broken. If you get a second season, please keep some of this in mind. I had to say something, because as a Jewish woman, I’m honest and strong.
Sincerely,
Rabbi Rebecca Keren Jablonski
Rebecca Keren Jablonski is a rabbi, author and private educator. Her highly-anticipated debut memoir Confessions of a Female Rabbi: Relevant Religion in an On-Demand World was released in August 2024 by Viva Editions/Simon & Schuster. She is also a contributing author for On Being Jewish Now, Essays and Reflections from Authors and Advocates (Zibby Media, Oct 1). Her Instagram is @Myhotrabbi.
