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We’ve Located the Criminals in D.C.

Thank goodness the National Guard is being called in. Lawlessness in D.C. is rampant, and someone needs to take a stand!

Stephen Miller was correct to point out that D.C. is awash in crime. Everywhere he looks: criminals. He can barely take three steps without running into one. From the moment he arrives at work in the morning until the second he leaves, one crime after another, piling horrendously high. Illegality everywhere, and casual disregard for the well-being of law-abiding Americans!

Some people say that being around crime is just the price of living in a city, and that those intimidated by it just need to toughen up. But it’s so brazen!

Get off the Metro at any point in D.C., but especially near the White House, and you might encounter one of these miscreants, flaunting their impunity in broad daylight. Why isn’t law enforcement doing its job? Members of the violent January 6 mob, released back on the streets! A man who three whistleblowers alleged had told Department of Justice employees to ignore a court order and say “Fuck you” to a judge, headed to the federal bench! The people who dismantled the Department of Education, which had been established by an act of Congress, just wandering around!

The Supreme Court ultimately decided the dismantling was okay, but the justices weren’t guaranteed to feel that way! There is a word for when you do something that seems illegal and just hope that a judge will let you off. But that’s the trouble with D.C. These judges are just giving slaps on the wrist for the most egregious offenses. And that invites more crime! Now, wherever Stephen looks, people are taking the Constitution as a mere suggestion. With judges like this, you could order SEAL Team Six to assassinate somebody, and you might get away with it. Who could feel safe in a city where that was true?

Some madman recently filled the streets with weapons of war! Tanks! Actual tanks! Forget brandishing a gun in a public place—he insisted on tanks!

Everywhere, there are people breaking the law, or trying to. Even the man Stephen works for turns out to be a convicted felon, who once said that “when you’re a celebrity, they let you do it.” He also urged a mob of people to descend on the Capitol “peacefully and patriotically.” Technically, not a crime but—an impeachable offense! He accepted a plane from Qatar. He stored classified documents in a bathroom! Never mind what his company was doing in New York State, or what E. Jean Carroll’s civil suit found. The things he is trying to do via executive order boggle the mind! And you should see his associates!

The point is, crime is everywhere, if only you know where to look. Including in other neighborhoods of the city, but surely those crimes are best dealt with on a local level, and parachuting in federal law enforcement with an unclear mandate will only make the situation worse.

Instead, the National Guard ought to focus on tackling the major terror on the streets of this city! Why, at any moment you or your neighbor could get yanked into an unmarked van by a masked man, without any regard for habeas corpus. Los Angeles all over again! How can anyone feel safe while this keeps happening? People who are trying to do everything the right way, snatched from hallways after their court hearings. Professors, detained after expressing their views. Americans who just want to work hard and support their families, petrified to go to work every day because of the shameless wrongdoers in D.C. and what they have unleashed. And whoever masterminded the abduction of so many people—seized without due process and whisked away to a foreign gulag—is still at large, and staring back at Stephen every time he looks into a mirror. Not safe, not safe!

Thank goodness the National Guard is being called in. Lawlessness in D.C. is rampant, and someone needed to take a stand!

Oh. Oh, I see. Never mind.

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